Widowed but Single

When people first realise you are single, they immediately assume one of three things. They assume that you have been in a relationship that has recently finished or that you have made the conscious choice to remain single. Alternatively, they assume that you have been in a marriage which has ended in divorce or permanent separation. However, there is another reason that someone may find themselves alone and single and that is the loss of a partner through death. We had no choice in ending you relationship, it was taken away from us in the worse way possible. 

Having recently found myself alone again after 34 years after the passing off my wife I have had to reassess my life, my hopes and dreams. I had grown accustomed to having my partner and doing everything as part of a couple. Now I faced a life where I was the odd one out as my friends and family were all part of a twosome. There was no one to dance with. There was no-one to discuss the days events with. No-one to cry with or laugh with. Holidays by yourself surrounded by happy couples. All that stretched ahead was a lifelong endless loneliness filled with dinners for one, television and empty long weekends. 

Of course, that was until I came across Solo Connects. I first came across the advert for Solo Connects on Facebook one lonely Saturday night. I had tried the world of online dating and found it to be horrendous. I had been scammed, ghosted, laughed at and left feeling frustrated. I like the idea of meeting people who were in a similar situation, face to face. My confidence was low but when I talked to my 24-year-old daughter she suggested that I gave it a try.  

I went to my first event at Marcos and felt like a fish out of water. Most ladies were either divorced or coming out of relationships. What would they want with a 63-year-old widower who had been married for 33 years? I was surprised when I not only made some new male companions but some wonderful, beautiful and friendly ladies too who didn’t judge me on my past but the present. 

Some people may be put off by someone who has lost a partner through bereavement. They will be wary as they will know that the person who has been lost will always be a great part of that person’s heart. They will not want to be compared. They will doubt that the person will be able to give themselves to them because of their past loss. Whilst there is some truth in this it doesn’t mean that all hope is lost. Although there will always be a personal connection to the lost partner that doesn’t mean that there isn’t room for others. Life is not only about memories shared in the past but building new and exciting memories for the future. Life is about sharing nice meals, laughs and tears, hugs, dances and jokes with someone else who wants to be a part of a new life and venture.  

Widowers aren’t someone to avoid, they are someone to embrace. They will have already shown that they can be committed to a relationship. They have shown that they can be faithful. They have shown that they are responsible people who have just been dealt a cruel blow by life. 

Will I miss my wife? Every Single day. Will I forget my 34 years with her? Never Am I looking for someone simply to replace her? Not in the slightest. I am looking for someone to share what time I have left myself on this planet either as a companion, a friend or whatever the future may hold for us both. I will give 100% to the person who wants to share my life with me.  

Please don’t be afraid to ask me about my wife or her passing. In some ways it is easier for me to move forward with a friendship if the past has been addressed early on.  

I hope that this will help other widows and widowers realise that we are still as important as everyone. We still have a place in society and we are not defined by what we have lost but what we have to offer for the future. I look forward to meeting new people of all ages and genders and rebuilding a life that I thought was shattered forever.