How to Stay Safe While Dating: A Guide for Solo Connects Members

At Solo Connects, we’re all about real-life connections, creating welcoming, friendly spaces where single people can meet without pressure. But, we are very clear about one thing safety always comes first.

We work hard to make Solo Connects safer than many other dating spaces, but we also want to be honest and transparent about what we can — and can’t — do. In this blog, we talk about how we keep our members safe, where your personal responsibility comes in, and what support is available if you ever feel uncomfortable.

How Solo Connects keeps members safe

We bring together a space for single people to connect, and while we are safer than many other groups out there, we don't run Police checks on every member.

Here’s what we do put in place:

✅ Profile checks before joining the Facebook group
We manually review profiles before approving them, to ensure (as far as possible) that they are genuine.

✅ In-person ID verification
We ID-verify our members, having physically seen their passport or driving licence. This adds an extra layer of reassurance and accountability within our membership community.

✅ Behaviour monitoring
As a team, we have an internal chat where we keep an eye on behaviour within the group.

• People who cause concern are flagged

• Some members have been banned where behaviour didn’t meet our standards

We take this seriously — but we can’t see everything. We do rely on members to keep us up to date with things that happen, such as those pesky DM slides.

How do we manage people who come to events who aren't in the Solo Connects Facebook Group?

Although we have a vibrant and growing Facebook Community, it's important to know that some people attend our events having found us on Google or EventBrite, and they aren't members of our Facebook group.

We don’t know who they are beyond their ticket purchase, which is why personal safety is always essential, even at our events.

What happens if someone makes you feel uncomfortable at an event?

Please don’t sit with discomfort in silence. If someone’s behaviour makes you feel uneasy, tell the event hosts immediately. Think of a polite way to excuse yourself from the conversation, such as:

"It's been lovely chatting to you, but I'd really love to circulate."

"I'd like to have a quick chat with (name of hosts) about a ticket query for the next event."

"That person looks like they are sat on their own, so I'm just going to check on them."

Please tell your event hosts (you're welcome to email us at [email protected] after the event too) and we will decide on the most appropriate action. We will ask the venue staff to remove somebody who isn't meeting the standard of behaviour we would expect. We want to make sure that everyone is comfortable.

• Tell a member of the event team immediately

• We will decide what action is appropriate

• If needed, we will ask venue staff to remove someone
  (We’ve only had to do this once — but we will do it again if necessary.)

Your comfort matters more than someone else’s ego.

How can you be responsible for your own personal safety?

We can only do so much — you also have a responsibility to keep yourself safe. These are non-negotiables in the Solo Connects world:

❤️ Plan your travel home in advance
Know how you’re getting home and have your ride sorted if you’re not driving.

❤️ Buy your own drinks & don’t leave them unattended
Until you feel comfortable with someone, this is essential.

❤️ Walk out together if you’re unsure
Leave with a small group, or a member of the same gender.
Even if the chemistry is on fire 🔥 — your safety comes first.

❤️ Be cautious of boundary-pushers
People who break small rules (like sneaky DM slides) are often the ones who believe rules don’t apply to them. Historically, they’re the ones we’ve had the most trouble with.

❤️ Don’t share your home address early on
Stick to neutral locations for several dates.

❤️ You don’t owe anyone a date
It’s okay to politely decline. Don’t say yes just to be nice.

❤️ Use the flirt cards
Pop your number on one and hand it over — it shows intent without putting anyone on the spot.

❤️ Accept rejection with grace
If something doesn’t work out, move on kindly and respectfully.

A Special Note for the Guys

Most of the men in our community are genuinely lovely — and we see that every week.

But this matters:

Women’s biggest fear when dating is being killed.
Men’s biggest fear is being laughed at.

So please understand:

If a woman declines your offer to walk her to her car, it’s not necessarily a rejection. Respect her choice.

What's a better option? Ask if she has a plan to get back safely, or suggest she walks out with another female member. That shows care without placing her in a vulnerable position.

Personal safety when you're on dates

If you’re out at a pub, bar or club and feel unsafe, look for venues that support Ask for Angela. Ask for Angela is a UK-wide safety initiative that allows someone to discreetly ask staff for help by asking for “Angela”.

Staff ar trained to help you leave the venue safely. If you approach a member of staff and Ask for Angela, they will help you to leave the venue safely, whether that's walking back to your car, calling you a taxi or contacting the police or security if it's needed.

Learn more about Ask for Angela at https://askforangela.co.uk

One of our members spoke to me about their experience on a date when they had to Ask for Angela. The lady was on a third date with a guy she'd met online. They had met in public places each time, but after two successful dates, they agreed to meet in his hometown and she got a taxi to the venue so they could enjoy drinks.

His behaviour was very different this time, compared to the other dates they'd shared. He was gettibng 'touchy feely' so she made excuses to move out of his reach. After multiple trips to the toilet, he became agitated, so she suspected he was taking cocaine. He suggested going back to his house, and when she declined, he started getting verbally abusive. Apparently, she 'owed' him as he'd paid for dinner (he declined her offer to go dutch).

Feeling panicky because she wasn't in her home town and didn't have her car, she went to the bar while he was in the toilet and asked for Angela. The barman looked blankly at her, but another bar tender asked how she could help. She asked if the bartender could discreetly book a taxi for her, which she did.

Time is of the essence in these situations, so the lady returned to her date and as the taxi arrived, the bartender came to the table to say she thought a make up bag had been left in the loo, and could she check if it was hers? She was then taken out the back of the venue and safely into the taxi.

She (very wisely) blocked the guy and got home safely (thankfully).

Here's a couple of my reflections.

This lady was very careful about her safety, and had built trust up over time before she got a taxi to his home town. All dates were in public places and she had very clear boundaries about what was acceptable and what wasn't. Her date didn't know where she lived, which is a good thing given how the date ended.

I've kept this lady anonymous, but would like to say a massive thank you for sharing her experience.

It's worrying that the original bar tender didn't know what to do when she went to the bar to 'Ask for Angela.' I polled over 100 members of the Solo Connects community and 87% were aware of 'Ask for Angela' but hadn't had to use it. 11% were totally unaware of the scheme - so hopefully they are aware now in the unlikely event that they would have to use it.

One of my online friends worked in a bar in a tiny village and luckily, because she was well educated, managed to save a lady from an altercation with a partner and managed to get her out of the pub safely.

Before you're going on a date, it's worth checking to see if the venue you're visiting supports the Ask for Angela scheme.

Please also note that Ask for Angela is for the guys to use as well if they are in a situation and feel unsafe.

Clare’s Law: Know before you date

There's also a Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme called Clare’s Law, which allows you to ask police if a partner has a history of violent or abusive behaviour.

This applies to someone you’re dating or someone you’re worried about on behalf of a friend. It's confidential and free, and has supported countless people who have been concerned about someone they are dating.

Find out more about Clare's Law here: https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-violence-disclosure-scheme-clares-law

Solo Connects is built on kindness, respect and fun. As a community, we care about the wellbeing and safety of our members, but it's important that you are responsible for yourself as there's only so much we can do.

Remember, if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
Trust your instincts.